Be Yourself #7

Develop and express your individuality.

Whether it's your sense of style, or even your manner of speaking, if your preferred way of doing something strays from the mainstream and produces positive outcomes, then be proud of it. Be a character, not a type. 


Learn to communicate well - the better you can express yourself, the easier it is for the people who like you as you are to find you and the ones who don't to just steer clear.


For some it is easy to be themselves. What they believe in religiously, culturally and politically could be considered mainstream so there is no fight in the rowboat; Everyone is paddling in the same way at the same time.


and then there is the rest of us.


Some of what I appear to be fits in very nicely with the world around me. Some of it does not. I have chosen to live and work in places seasonally for now. I do not take my 2 weeks a year vacation and like it, nor do I believe I have to suffer through many things just to be polite. I don't cut my hair every 6 to 8 weeks. I don't strive to drive a new car.


I get along with people who want and do those things and when asked I communicate, without feeling threatened, that I chose these things. I confide in people, more often, who think closer to the way I perceive the worlds important pieces. I chose to not own a home yet or base everything on my salary and making money. I wear flip flops most of the year and don't wear make up most of the time. While I don't think I really challenge what fits into society, I am not the mainstream. I like it that way. If we didn't have individuals of all shapes, colors, sizes wearing all sorts of different styles, our country would look like a mono crop field, boring, ugly and ultimately unsustainable. I am an individual. You are and individual. 


Our country as a whole is based in the importance of the individual, so if you are in the US, embrace that and let us know who you really are. I hope other places in the world embrace al least this part of our culture. Ultimately, once introduced to a wider variety of people, you will find your tribe. Why would you want to fit into the mold if you are really something else. There are really no "dorks", people are just into different things. As we grow, hopefully we realize that and go out and surround ourselves with supportive, like minded people. So, learn to communicate well. Share what you think is important or cool or amazing. Leave the rest and cultivate what you are good at and what interests you. This will be important for the world too. We want your happiness and small sun seed to grow in the world. 




Be Yourself.


                    Be and individual.


                                         
                                          Move forward and cultivate!!

Be Yourself #6

Treat yourself as you'd treat your own best friend.

(Nadia,the three haired lady above, is from dearoptimist.com)

You value your friends and those close to you; well, who is closer to you than you are? Give yourself the same kind, thoughtful, and respectful treatment that you give to other people you care about. If you had to hang out with yourself for a day, what is the most fun/enjoyable/fulfilled/calm/contented type of person you could be, while still being yourself? What is the best version of you? Believe in this idea and use that as your starting point. Love and accept yourself as you are now, just as you do for your close ones.
I don't know how many times a day  hear people (including myself) tear themselves apart with self deprecating words and hurtful comments. If it's not about beauty, it's about weight, height, clothing, intellect, likability and feeling of not being enough or having enough. I don't know about you but I am sick and tired of hearing it!!!
Where is the compassion people? Turn it around. These things aren't true! Treat yourself as kind as you can. Wake up and say nice things to yourself. 
I started, not too long ago, really taking a look at what I told myself about myself. I found that when I really paid attention, my days were filed with I can't do that's and he is much smarter than me etc. It was very funny to realize because I am a motivator and someone who likes to tell people they can be anything they want to be!
I started filling my days with comments to myself like you're awesome and amazing and great at certain things. I try to have compassion for myself when it is hard to think those things or a self deprecating thought arises. It's alright. It's a pattern that is hard to break, even if you aren't the biggest offender.
I remember being in grade school and the girls in my group of friends had recently learned what the word conceited means. This meant that if you thought of yourself as talented, pretty, smart, athletic, good at anything, that you were conceited. So in the tradition of peer pressure none of us bolstered ourselves on a daily basis for the fear of being considered conceited! How silly. I wish now I had walked right up and said I am an awesome singer, I rock at kickball and I look great in knee sox! There, I said it.
Whatever you are good at, like about yourself, are talented at, go ahead and realize it, scream it out loud. The best thing that will happen is you will further some of those talents and raise your self esteem. The worst thing that will happen is those people who think of you as conceited, full of yourself etc. will become less important in your life unless they turn it around and start thinking of you and themselves as wonderful, important and talented individuals. 


Give yourself some love.


                        
                         Be compassionate.
                                          


                                        Move forward and cultivate!!

Be Yourself #5

RELAX.

This one sounds great doesn't it! Finally, something we all enjoy doing. But can we do it when we want to? This means relax about ourselves. Don't take yourself too seriously. We are not going to die if someone sees something stuck in our teeth or if we slip on the sidewalk or in my case, (this is a good one and really happened to me) get my bike tire stuck in a rain grate and end up in a handstand with my feet in the foot clips in front of a line of stopped traffic. It was a little embarrassing but funny and I have to say it was an AMAZING handstand. After falling completely on the ground I had to pull my bike tire out of the grate, brush myself off and continue on the bike past all the cars who just saw mw wipe out, I definitely got an applause from a whole carload of college guys along with ROARING laughter. Think about it. It was funny!! When our reactions to things are relaxed, open and present other people feel able to connect.

I learned a funny thing the other day from someone very close to me. He doesn't mind if people single him out for the laugh. If he has done something to attract attention to himself, he believes it relieves attention from someone else who may not feel able to handle the joke or the mean behavior. He doesn't take anything personally. He really believes the person who has the problem is the person making the comments. He would rather be the one they target if it has to be someone. This is coming from someone who is not particularly out going or attention seeking. His attitude has come to be that way because he has relaxed about himself.

RELAX.


            Laugh at yourself.


                                  Let other people giggle.


                                                             Move forward and Cultivate.

Be Yourself #4

Be Honest and Open

The only way people get to know us is by what we show them. It is so tiring trying to be someone else that we are not. If we can trust that it is of the utmost importance to be honest and open about what we like, dislike, have an opinion of, don't care about, love, don't love, enjoy, elate over or can't bear to be a part of, then people who respect us and care about us truly will be more cognizant (s or z?, I chose the z. I don't get to use that letter often enough!) of who we really are at that moment.


Of course we need to be prepared that if we are all of a sudden being more honest than ever before we may have a period of change in people's reactions toward us. The preparation also needs to be in the awareness that some relationships may change. So, there may be a period of flux or separation of relationships.


The rewards, however, are amazing feelings of real self love and awareness. You will feel #1 in your world. You will feel validated and heard. You will feel like people get you for the first time and really it's because you were open to giving them the chance. You will feel free and powerful. You will find your tribe. You will be in control of yourself.


Honesty is the best policy. We hear it time and again but often it escapes us when dealing with ourselves. Keep in mind we are really doing this, not for other people, but for ourselves. When we realize and accept the truth, it gives us room to go forward in our lives. We won't be holding on to beliefs that aren't real. We won't be in denial of the situation  There is always a way to be honest with ourselves and other people that is filled with compassion. Honesty doesn't have to be harsh, judgemental, or critical. To use another saying, It's not what you say but how you say it. So, be kind and compassionate in your honesty to yourself and to other people. 




Be Open.


              BeHonest.


                              Be Present and Cultivate!

Be Yourself #3

 Stop caring about how people perceive you.

this doesn't mean that other people's opinions don't matter, they are just not SO important. If we are constantly thinking about how other people perceive us we are not open. We are always thinking only of ourselves. What do they think of ME. How do they think I am as a person, friend, lover, partner, colleague etc. It is very narcissistic and keeps us disconnected from other people. We feel distant. 


Instead try to let go and LISTEN to other people. Be interested in them and forget about yourself for just a few moments. This habit will expand until there is no more room to think about yourself all the time. 


Be open.


          Listen.


                 Cultivate.


"no one can make you feel inferior without your consent" 
                                                                        -Eleanor Roosevelt 

Be Yourself #2

#2 

Avoid fixating on the past and not letting yourself grow.

One of the most unhealthy approaches to being oneself is to make a decision that who you are is defined by a moment or period of time, after which you spend the rest of your life trying to still be that person from the past rather than someone who is still you but grows with the passing of each season and decade. Allow yourself this space to grow, to improve, to become wiser. And allow yourself to forgive past errors and past behaviors you're not so proud of. Work on accepting mistakes and choices you've made; they're done and in the past. You had your reasons for them and the decision made sense at the time, so instead of harnessing yourself to past mistakes, allow yourself to learn their lessons and continue to grow.


Look for people around you who proudly proclaim they are no different than they were the day they turned 16 or 26 or 36, or whatever. Do these people seem flexible,easygoing, happy people? Often they are not because they are so busy insisting that nothing has changed for them ever, that they're incapable of taking on new ideas, learning from others, or growing. They might believe adamantly that they are "being themselves" but in reality they are often enslaved by the past and a particular image of themselves that they would have done better to have released long ago. Growth into every new age and stage of our lives is an essential part of being true to ourselves and to being emotionally healthy and whole.

Oh, this one is good. Who are we NOW. Now is really all we can do anything about so let's focus on that. It is said that people always make the best decision for themselves at the time it happens with the information they have. What we have done in the past is.... well, in the past and can't be re-done.

What we do have is now. What we do have is the ability to have the awareness to use the past to make better decisions, not to focus on our past faults or actions or even to lift ourselves up on the pedestal. Even our greatest moments or Glory days are in the past. We are not those either.

By being open to new possibilities of what we can become, learn, love and do we free ourselves of images we might have of who we think we are. 

Let Go.

       

          Grow.

   

                  Cultivate.


What ripens in any moment are seeds sown in the past. In this moment, choose consciously to sow seeds for happiness and health. Breathe your awareness into this moment.

Be Yourself #1

This is no April Fools, although I love lighthearted tricks that make me laugh.....but this is real. Authenticity. Authentic Existence. Being true to oneself. Being yourself. A subject really delved into by existentialist philosophers and now in recent years we have a newer phrase "Authentic Living" and life coaches who help others get back on track to their path of self discovery and living the life they are happiest living. I found a fun bit on Wiki How that I would like to share and discuss. The platform for cultivating Small Sun Seeds starts with being true to yourself. We are all different people connected to one another trying to accomplish all different goals. Really being true to ourselves leads to happiness and satisfaction which spreads because if you are genuinely happy you will act that way in the world. Others will feel it and they will want to know how to get it. So..... #1

Find yourself and define yourself on your terms.

 Oscar Wilde once said with his usual wit:

 Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

 As humorous as this might seem, it's a basic summation of the truth. Yet, you can't be yourself if you don't know, understand, and accept yourself first. It should be your primary goal to find this out. Find the time to dwell upon what you value and take time to consider what makes up the essence of who you are. As part of this, contemplate your life and choices. 




Remember that the definition of YOU is ever changing as well. Who we are today is not who we were yesterday or who we will be tomorrow. Look at what you have done in the past and make a list of things you have accomplished and things you have not liked. Did you have the feeling of being forced in a certain direction? Sometimes as children we feel pressures to be a certain way or have interest in certain things. Once you are an adult it is ENTIRELY up to you. Look at the things on your list that you like.


DO MORE OF THOSE!! Really, do more of those. You will eventually find your tribe. 


Set the intention.


                    Start to shift.


                                      Cultivate.

Empowerment

There is an amazing feeling when you feel empowered. Everything seems to fit into place. you feel charged, in control, EXCITED. How do we get to that state and keep that state? Practice and fearlessness, practicing fearlessness. Small Sun Seeds, these good intentions we set for ourselves, help to get us on the path towards empowerment. Start from wherever you are.


There is a place within us that we can quiet from the regular thoughts of the world and just be. It is important to cultivate that space within us for that is where sun seeds we plant will grow. Start with creating positive words to yourself,

• I love what I see in myself
• I am in charge of my life
• I am my own person
• I expand my capabilities
• I give myself all that I need
• I am powerful
• I am worthy of love and respect

There are a gazillion more we can write down. Use these and write your own. These mantras help us to feel powerful! By just saying them I feel better. If we can think it, imagine it if we don't have it right now, say it in the present tense and believe it, it will be so but you have to believe.


We need to believe we are worthy of the wonderful. If we do this we spread love and light. We will believe that everyone is worthy of the wonderful. Take care of your body, mind and spirit. Take time for meditation and focus on the good. Empower yourself. Empower yourself. Empower yourself. Do it by starting with believing your good thoughts and tell the negative to take a hike.




It is time for all of us to develop our own philosophy of life and to create our own personal laws- statements we can live by, beliefs that nourish and support us.
                                                                                          - Louise L. Hay

The Burning Question

DanielleLaPorte.com

I have been loving this series from Danielle LaPorte that encourages us to ask questions of ourselves. Real. Hard. Work. Asking questions of ourselves forces us to take a look at where we think we are in life and puts a magnifying glass on what we have been focusing on. When we take a look we may be stoked! OR we may be saying, "I need to start focusing on something that REALLY matters....to ME."

THIS WEEK'S BURNING QUESTION:

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO STOP DOING?


I would like to stop:

 "teeter tottering between confidence and negative thinking. How about a constant confidence streak. Sounds good." "looking at what other people are doing and thinking I should be doing that at this age." "Undercutting my experience." "Not looking at my life experience as experience." "Assuming I know what other people are thinking."

I am a Scorpio, I try to rush people's speech along because I sometimes think I already know the point they are going to make. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. Either way it's an assumption.

So add to the list, "Assuming I know what people are going to say."

"Being nervous about my future."

Let's talk about that one. Unless the world has shown you that is is CONSTANTLY a negative, awful, hateful, painful place, what reason would you have to think it is constantly going to be like that in the future? Is it like that right now? For me it may only be like that because I am presently making myself believe that by no other reason or source than my silly human mind.

In reality I am in a safe space, it is warm, my man has just lovingly made me an iced coffee and is making breakfast as I am typing this. I am above and beyond my basic human needs being met. Still I worry. Not ALL the time but that thought slips in there most days for a little bit like a frenemy. Mostly it is about having enough when I am old, having enough for society to think I have made it. What does that even mean? I don't even know these people.

That is my biggest one (for now) and I would like to point out that it took a little bit to get there. It took a writer's rant, a stream of consciousness and ideas.

Don't edit. 


               Get it out. 


                              Dig. 


                                  Be present and cultivate.


"Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love."
                                                                                               -Don Miguel Ruiz- The Four Agreements

Find the Difference

Detecting beliefs that keep you back may be hard to differentiate between your wild ideas that are good for your life. This quote from Tom Robbins from Still Life with Woodpecker just made me think. "There are essential and inessential insanities. Inessential insanities are a brittle amalgamation of ambition, aggression, and pre-adolescent anxiety -- garbage that should have been dumped long ago. Essential insanities are those impulses one instinctively senses are virtuous and correct, even though peers may regard them as coo-coo." Essentially, let go of your past way of operating and move onward and upward even if it is not something your peers/ family would choose to do. Listen to your heart, not your past. Be present and cultivate.

Those Sneaky Bad Beliefs

Ahhh..... rolling along in a good mood with lovely happy thoughts and then BLAMO! There they are, these negative thoughts that just pop into my head about my past.  It wasn't that I even did anything horrible. It wasn't that the actual event that took place was even that bad but reliving the memory of it seems to be worse than the actual event.
If this happens let yourself think the thought. Ask yourself if you believe it, really believe it. Ask yourself if it matters anymore. Ask yourself if what you remember is really what happened. Are you assuming other people's thoughts about you? Did these thoughts and opinions about you exist only in the past if at all?
Go through the emotions you are presently feeling with compassion for what you are feeling and no self judgment and then let it go. Breathe and be present. Come back to your happy thoughts.



To get rid of an internal attitude you must clearly see the mistaken belief it is based upon.
                                                                                                     -His Holiness the Dalai Lama
                                                           

3,2,1...Self Destruct.

There have been times where I had what is called monkey mind. Thoughts go something like this... What am I doing? Should I stay here, my future is a black hole. Nothing is going to work out, oh I like those boots. I want to go surfing. Should I stay with him? What am I doing here? Am I ever going to figure out what I want? I suck at that. I will never be good at that. I don't know what I want to do. I have to be something amazing in this life. I think I am hungry. Why won't my mind stop reeling. (All of this in my internal dialogue). Also accompanied by a feeling of panic that the world is not a friendly place and I will never be good enough. Nice, hello anxiety and self loathing.
Sounds crazy? It is. Unfortunately, this type of thought pattern is all too common. We are not always like this but trust assured the most calm, centered and focused person you know has probably had a thought pattern like this at one point in their lives no matter how brief.
This is sooooo self destructive. It is also extremely time consuming and narcissistic. We are the only ones who can tell ourselves what to believe. We are also the only people who really matter when wondering what someone is thinking about us. What do we think of ourselves? How do we turn this around?
Even if you don't believe them at first, start saying wonderful things to yourself. Think the opposite of your previous thoughts. It feels a lot better. These positive thoughts are SMALL SUN SEEDS!
Be compassionate and kind to yourself. Happiness doesn't happen all at once and there is no sense beating yourself up for negative thoughts you made up about yourself and trust this, you did make them up. There are a lot of immensely intelligent wonderful beings out there running around with negative thoughts pulsing through their minds when they probably have something much better to be thinking about. If you identify with this then make it a point today to think something nice about yourself. Plant a small sun seed. Be present. Start cultivating.

• I am thoughtful
• I am smart 
• I am a calm love filled being

Chanting, devotional singing, and mantras also still the mind. However you choose to tame the monkey mind, do so with firm kindness. The next time the chattering arises, notice it and then allow it to go away. With practice, your monkey mind will become quiet and so will you. 

                                                                                                          Quoted from the Daily OM

Also Helpful- Byron Katie's The Work

What is a Small Sun Seed?

Small Sun Seeds are the intentions you have inside to be your true amazing self. These seeds, which you already have, contain everything you will need to achieve your goals. They just need to be tended and cultivated to grow and grow and grow!!
Inside of our mind, body and soul we have everything we could need to create happiness and prosperity in our lives. These seeds are there sitting patient and quiet just waiting to be discovered. There not going anywhere until you say so. Some of these seeds have already been discovered and have now grown into the things you love and treasure in your life. They are love. They are truth. They are happiness. What made them grow? YOUR attention to these seeds. You did it. You made them grow.
What if you do not have so many growing sun seeds? It is time to take a closer look at that and and figure out where you abandoned those bright shiny little pearls of light for other things in your life that aren't so amazing.
This will be a platform for your small sun seed garden. It is not the garden that is small, it is the seed. It is a pearly, shiny, bright spec waiting to grow. It wants so desperately to sprout into the world. It is your mission to help it. It will be bigger than you. That's the whole point.
The great realization is that the more small sun seeds that make it out into the world, the more people that accomplish their great big dreams being the best, most amazing self they can be, the more love, light and happiness is here... and it's contagious. Trust in your goodness. Start cultivating.

The Sun shines whether it is day or night; so should our concern for others.
-Sakyong Mipham